Unstirred

Tomorrow, spicy-sweet little Ali Lohan turns 15 years old.  Last year, we discussed her budding pseudo-legal sexiness in Is Ali Lohan Legal Yet? and broke a few hearts explaining that – despite mom Dina’s valiant efforts to whore her out as soon as possible – she’s mostly not.  The law is somewhat ambiguous, but in many places I’m afraid she’s not in the clear until next year at sweet 16.  Father time is – for now anyway – on our side.  This year, there are a few more places in these United States where you can legally do what Dina keeps daring you to:

To help things along, Dina has upped the heat this year, recently publishing some hot new promo pictures of her little girl that definitely warm our loins:

Happy birthday, Ali!  Want to go on a road trip, sweetie?

Although we do find ourselves wondering if someone’s already been there.

We’ve been thinking about a Kristen Stewart post for a while now.  Her new pot-smoking pictures gave us the perfect nudge.  Sadly, in much the same way our Naomi Watts pregnancy article told the tale of squandered hotness, so too does this.

She sprung onto the scene with her role in ‘Panic Room’ alongside Jodie Foster.  I remember thinking that while she seemed quite boyish, the girl had major tart potential.  A couple more years, it seemed, might turn her into quite the little hottie.

And it sure did – for a moment, anyway. We were briefly treated to a budding teen sex symbol, mouth agape, wearing candy-blue slut shoes and her hands wrapped around an understandably-overactive hose:

Yyyyyumm!

Seeing her get thrown around in The Messengers was a treat:

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From the runways at SS09 Fashion Week. First, Vlada Roslyakova:

Next, Anna Selezneva: Continue Reading »

We know we don’t write often. But when we do, it’s good. And we’ve got something good and tasty for y’all that you’re sure to enjoy.

We established a long time ago – thanks to a NYC tipster close to Kahlen – that former ANTM contestant Kahlen Rondot is a dirty girl. After sharing the topless pic, our tipster had sworn they had more pictures for us (and you) but didn’t come through until last weekend.

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I think this is total shit. The press is making a big huge deal out of this, so I guess Simon Lock got just what he wanted. This is is a publicity stunt to generate buzz for his dying show. Twenty or more designers have dropped out of this show over the past year, and it’s mostly because of the obnoxious organizers. Lock has decided that getting some media attention for his little show was worth the embarrassment and difficulty to Monika and the risk of starting another dumb industry trend (following on the BMI stupidity in London and Madrid, which has thankfully blown over.)

I would also like to point out that he’s flip-flopped on this. For years he said he would leave it up to the designers and agencies, but I guess he couldn’t resist.

This is no different from telling a young actress she cannot be in a show or movie. Luckily, FW Australia doesn’t matter very much in the grand scheme of the industry – and with this, it’s becoming more of a joke.

I know this isn’t a very useful post, but I’m irritated and haven’t posted since we came back to life!

First, sorry we’ve had our heads down. We had some weird issues stemming from our allegation that Tom Cruise is a pro-ana nutjob, and also had some other stuff come up. But to the many of you who wrote in worried about us – thanks, we’re fine. We’d also like to congratulate loyal reader SueBerry on being our iPhone winner. (She was kind enough to send us a photo too, and thanks Sue, you’re hawwt!)

With all the courtesies out of the way, now for some follow-up on our controversial article. Life & Style tells us Katie and Posh are hanging out again, and the magazine reports they’re skipping the pasta and splitting a kid’s salad as if this is some kind of news. I find it odd that Life & Style and the other gossip mags don’t seem interested in exploring how this might tie into her predicament with Scientology, but they’re likely afraid to cross that line.

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Well, we promised y’all a few months ago that we’d give one of you an iPhone. And the time is right. So, the lucky iPhone number is 039. If that’s your number, you win, and we’re sending you a fancy iPhone. Get in touch.

I never watch The View. But the few clips I saw helped me come to the conclusion that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is dumb as a brick. And that’s just fine – because she’s hot, her legs are twenty feet long, and she often wore boots that got me thinking of other things. Those thoughts served as a wonderful distraction from the “substance”, if any.
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We’re glad you asked! The team here at Unstirred has been researching that very subject and we’re pleased to inform you that she is – or will be in a moment- it just depends on where you take her. As many of you fan-toids know, Ali will turn 14 years old on December 22. Let us be the first to wish her a happy birthday, and good luck with not turning into a coked out anorexic shilling for nail polish and occasionally showing up in sex videos. Actually we’re secretly hoping she does, for us, but we wish her luck trying to escape the madness that is her life.

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Not much to say other than the title. Here is the formerly-skinny Amanda Bynes tonight at the American Music Awards. Now – I’m not saying she’s fat, I’m just saying she has gained weight.

Sure, Beyonce looked like a big brown cow with stretch marks on her boobs but we sorta expected that.

For poor Amanda, what’s sorta sad is her choice of dress makes things worse – it makes her belly show through really well, thus enhancing her apparent plumpness.

Her legs don’t look too bad, with the possible exception of her upper thighs – which appear to be generously bulging through the sheer dress. Her arms are OK. Her face has always looked full, but it’s puffier for sure. But it’s really her belly and middle where she looks the thickest.

Damn, girl, get a waist! Buy it if you have to. Or at least don’t eat a whole platter of sizzlin’ steak fajitas before your AMA red carpet appearance. Better yet – learn the little shaping trick that most girls who’ve ever done a red carpet know: cross your legs for the pictures.

Super-pretty eyes, though. Click for the high-res pix.

December 2, 2008 UPDATE: Hold up, new readers!  Before you go, check out some of our more recent Hollywood Smacktalk:

• Kristen Stewart’s Falling Star
• Top Five Myths About Hollywood
• Three Gorgeous Fashion Models You’ve Never Heard Of

or how about a classic from the archives – the one that got us in all that trouble with the Scientology goons:

• Tom Cruise Likes ‘em Starved