With all the courtesies out of the way, now for some follow-up on our controversial article. Life & Style tells us Katie and Posh are hanging out again, and the magazine reports they’re skipping the pasta and splitting a kid’s salad as if this is some kind of news. I find it odd that Life & Style and the other gossip mags don’t seem interested in exploring how this might tie into her predicament with Scientology, but they’re likely afraid to cross that line.

While some might be stunned at a story about Posh training Katie Holmes how to starve, it comes as no surprise to anyone who read our original article last summer. Frankly, any of that craziness should come as no shock to anyone who spends any time learning about the cult founded on space opera. But we’re not complaining about being first, or being right – we’re just reminding you that we were.

Moving on – we’ve decided our next course of duty is to shatter some myths we see rearing their ugly heads on our favorite blogs these days. We love all of you, but most of you don’t live and work in this business, so many of you are a little confused about how things work around here.

Since we want you to be best equipped to practice your celeb-worship in every corner of the globe and throughout your pathetic little lives, and – for better or worse – we live, breathe, and earn our paychecks from it, we’re going to straighten out your pretty little heads. Here goes.

Myth One
Skinny celebrities and fashion models don’t starve themselves, they just have fast metabolisms/work out/have good genes/employ tricky optical illusions.

The Truth
Bullshit. They do starve themselves, they take Adderall or other forms of speed, some do cocaine, and they’re constantly encouraged to lie about it. Now, I work with a lot of them and love them and am not criticizing them at all – I’m just telling you how it is.

Fashion models are the most notorious. One super-agent told me that they actively discourage their models from exercising because it “makes them eat.” Another I work with makes her models bring their food receipts back – along with their leftovers – so she can be sure they’re toeing the line. A model I was shooting a couple weeks ago, who I have a decent friendship with, told me before makeup that she’d had a “huge breakfast” and “felt disgusting.” A big stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, perhaps? Nope – two eggs.

There’s little question what top designers want to see on the runway – tall, impossibly thin girls with young, beautiful faces. The idea is to taunt the masses with the fantastical and unattainable. This year’s Fashion Week stars were elfin dolls like Vlada Roslyakova, Snejana Onopka, and Olga Sherer – and each of them were rewarded for their extreme thinness by booking more than seventy shows each. Some models seem to relish the challenge; model Lily Donaldson has been competing with two other models to see who can eat the least. Her reward? Big fat contracts with D&G, Dior, Gucci and Burberry.

With celebrities – especially this new breed of famous-for-being-famous tarts, it’s done for fun, competition and attention more than economic necessity. Sure, you need to be thin in Hollywood, but it’s best – and just plain funnest – to be thinner than your competitors. Nicole Richie is fairly open about her ways and is known for taunting anyone an ounce bigger than she is. Victoria Beckham is unapologetically obsessive about her intake. Nicky Hilton is thinner than she’s ever been – and, as a result, is more popular than she’s ever been. Life & Style reported last week that airhead Heidi Montag is having a skinny contest with Lauren Conrad (and it looks like Montag is winning.)

Many models and celebrities are aware they’re often used as “thinspiration”, and while a few are disturbed by it, my experience is that many see it as a badge of honor. Almost all of them read blogs and forums and are regular “ego-surfers”, and I know some of them post under pseudonyms.

Myth Two
The newswire picture of so-and-so on the red carpet / coming out of the club is “Photoshopped.”

The Truth
If by “Photoshopped”, you mean altered, it’s extremely unlikely. Sure, there’s cropping, color balancing and that sort of thing, but that’s it. News agencies have no time to manipulate images – they’re much more interested in being first than making sure someone’s ass doesn’t look big.

Also, it’s against any standard of good journalism. Any reputable agency will fire a photographer who submits a manipulated image. Reuters fired a staff photographer last year for editing an image from Iraq – and no, it wasn’t because the edit job looked like it was done by a 5 year old.

Just to make sure we weren’t high on something, today we checked in with Brandy Navarre of X17 – one of Hollywood’s top photowires – and she told us the same thing, adding, “we’re not in the business of selling false stories.”

So, if the image is sourced directly from a good photo agency, news wire or photographer, the chance of it being Photoshopped are basically zero. Celebrity blogger tip: save yourself the dozens of moron comments like “this image must be Photoshopped, she’s not that fat” by simply sourcing your images directly from a reputable agency (and properly crediting them).

Myth Three
The camera adds ten pounds.

The Truth
No, it doesn’t. Yes, lighting and different camera lenses and various angles can play tricks on the eye, but a camera is no more likely to make you look fat than it is to make you look thin. Generally speaking, with the lenses most paparazzi photographers are walking around with, there’s not going to be a weight penalty or a benefit.

Myth Four
Paparazzi ruthlessly stalk celebrities. These poor people can’t go anywhere without a camera in their face.

The Truth
It’s a lot more complicated than that; it’s a very symbiotic relationship. First of all, excepting superstars or human train wrecks, the “average celebrity” carries on a fairly normal life and is rarely recognized, let alone photographed. This is partially because most humans are numb and oblivious and wouldn’t recognize Brad Pitt if he ordered a sandwich from them while barking lines from Fight Club.

But it’s also because the world is a large and busy place. On the rare instances someone is paying attention, the exchange I’ve seen most commonly is: “has anyone ever told you you look like Tara Starlet?” to which the well-heeled celebrity coyly replies, “oh, I get that all the time.”

I’m reminded of the old saying, “you know you’re in Hollywood when the guy at Starbucks who looks just like George Clooney… is George Clooney.”

I’m no celebrity but I know a few from my work, go out to eat with them, exercise with them, and even run into them at the grocery store. Setting aside set-up events like red carpet and photocalls – these people aren’t dragging along an army of drooling photographers.

Those who are recognized are almost always intentionally trying to draw attention to themselves (such as walking around with an entourage or going to lunch at the Ivy.)

Myth 4-A Dumbass Follow-up Question
Then why do I see all these pictures of so-and-so buying groceries, walking their dog, etc.? I’m so confused!

The Truth
Because celebrity publicists, “spotters”, and even doormen call photo agencies and tip them off. Photographers are not psychics with magic powers of intuition about who is going to go where and when. Los Angeles County is nearly 5,000 square miles and is crawling with ten million or so thin, good-looking people wearing sunglasses. It’s not as if celebrities stand out unless they try.

Having said that, some do try. It’s a marketing decision and, for the most part, everyone wins when they do.

Photo agencies get hundreds of calls a day from publicists who are dying to get their clients photographed, because they know celeb-sluts like you are going to clickie-click-click and eat the pictures up. The call is something like this: “Hey, Rick, it’s CokeFace from AgencyB – wanted you to know PopTart is headed over to Koi at 7 or so, and she’s not wearing any underwear..” (OK, maybe not the last part, but…)

When this happens, the agency sends a photographer over and the rest is history. Bloggers and magazines pay the agencies for rights to the photos (well, the good ones do) – the agency makes dough, bloggers get traffic, magazines sell copies, the celebrity gets visibility, photog gets paid, and the slutty publicist earns her next eight-ball.

Finally, there’s an entire caste of losers here in LA called “spotters.” These sad little warts-on-the-ass-of-life buzz around all day on scooters hunting for celebrities and then they tip off agencies and photographers. This is the source of most of the truly unwelcome attention celebrities deal with.

So There
Now that we’ve armed you with some new myth-slaying powers, go forth and use them. Oh, and thank us, you little ingrates!

December 2, 2008 UPDATE: Hold up!  Before you go, check out some of our more recent Hollywood Smacktalk:

• Kristen Stewart’s Falling Star
• Three Gorgeous Fashion Models You’ve Never Heard Of

or how about a classic from the archives – the one that got us in all that trouble with the Scientology goons:

• Tom Cruise Likes ‘em Starved

Offensive ignorance.

Now, on the other hand, someone like the purty lil’ Kelly Pickler can get away with the sort of exasperating stupidity we see in the below clip of her recent appearance on the show, “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader”:

And so could Hasselbeck (especially before that unfortunate pregnancy). But not Sherri – dear Lord!

Some background: we’ve learned that the reason we saw Victoria Beckham hanging out with Katie Holmes so much in the months before the wedding was to enforce a bout of good behavior on the young bride-to-be, and influence her in the pure ways of eating (er, non-eating.) We all read the countless stories about them going out to “eat” together, shopping, and seeing fashion shows.

Well – a family member tells us that last year, Tom Cruise personally recruited Victoria Beckham to “supervise” Katie Holmes’ post-Suri weight loss. There was ample speculation that Katie and Victoria had become closer prior to the wedding, as they were spotted together very frequently in Europe and the US during those months. We can confirm that, in part, is one of the reasons.

In light of their relocation to Los Angeles, Cruise might have his heart set on converting the Beckhams to Scientology – but he’s seemingly just as concerned with making sure Victoria keeps Katie lean. The family member said that Cruise has said he “admires Beckham’s discipline” and wants his new wife to follow on.

Earlier speculation had revolved around Holmes’ desire to fit her custom, $2.6 million Armani wedding gown, which was said to have been a strict size 2. Additionally, for her wedding night, Katie spent $3,000 on a similarly-sized La Perla lingerie ensemble adorned with Swarovski crystals.

After Suri’s birth, Holmes quickly lost more than 25 pounds of baby weight, not unusual in the weeks following childbirth. But she then lost another 20 pounds under Beckham’s “guidance”, which is said to consist of extremely restrictive dieting and rigorous daily cardio. Friends say the 5′9″ actress weighed a willowy 120 pounds on her wedding day.

But long after her svelte appearance at the ceremony, Tom’s expectations have continued.

“Like any normal girl, Katie wanted to look her best on her special day,” said the family member, “but Tom’s controlling behavior has gone much further than that.”

What kind of diet lessons might Katie be getting from her friend? Recently, a friend of Beckham’s told the New York Post, “Victoria maintains her tiny frame because she only permits herself to snack and never to eat meals. She takes vitamins and is a tea and Diet Coke fanatic. Her snacks are edamame, pretzels and occasionally sushi – but usually she limits herself to one piece.”

“She’s a very restrictive eater,” said a Beckham friend we spoke with. “She’s unusually open and proud about it.”

Cruise’s plan seems to be working; Katie looked as slim as ever as she walked into CAA in Century City a few days ago:

Tying further into this controlling behavior, the family member told us Katie has been “punished” several times by Scientology handlers – under Cruise’s orders – when she is deemed to need “retraining.” Her “offenses” have included such trivialities as assertiveness, critical thought, excessive spending, or agreeing to do Hollywood events and projects without the approval of the “church”. The punishment rituals include starvation, extended sauna time to cleanse her of “impurities,” and forced exercise.

The family member is concerned that stress – combined with the Cruise camp’s bizarre rituals and Beckham’s influence – could lead Katie to a health crisis. But a source inside the Cruise camp told us that Katie is “happy and healthy.”

Time will tell.

December 2, 2008 UPDATE: Hold up!  Before you go, check out some of our more recent Hollywood Smacktalk:

• Kristen Stewart’s Falling Star
• Top Five Myths About Hollywood
• Kahlen Rondot: Party Pix And Kissing Chix

Today’s news offers a wonderful example of this ignorance in action. These cretins interrupted a Hindu clergyman who was giving a prayer in the US Senate, shouting “this is an abomination” and following with a press release describing the Hindu god as “a false god”.

First of all, morons – there is not “a Hindu god” – there are many dieties within the Hindu faith – it is not a dualistic faith like Christianity. Reasonable people might not expect you to bother to do any open-minded philosophical research before screaming in the Senate Chamber like ten-year-old morons – but perhaps you could do some thinking and research before you issue a press release?

BTW, don’t use words like “abomination” if you want any credibility. Your Bible also talks about other so-called “abominations”: eating shrimp, approaching the altar of worship with bad eyesight, owning slaves from your own tribe (other tribes, it’s cool), or worshipping with messed-up testicles. Think I’m making this up? Open up your Old Testament and spend a little time reading Leviticus.

Morons.