Rachel Ray Is A Fat Manly Slob
Jul 17th, 2007 by Starving Socialite
When I first bumped into this chick on the Food Channel, I hated her immediately. It wasn’t just because her attitude about cooking was simplistic and unhealthy (then again, she’s trying to sell a show in America – so, you do the math) – nor was it because she so obviously opens her husband’s beer bottles with her teeth. No, something else about her was bothering me.
I think two Rachel Ray things were buggin’ me. First was her overt, classless, tacky, unapologetic lack of grace or femininity. I’d watch her and think – ick, that’s the nasty girl I always saw at sorority parties proudly and loudly out-beer-bonging the rest of us while wearing a denim jacket and cheap flip flops and mumbling through a mouthful of chewing tobacco. So sexy!
The second thing that bothered me was her latent fatness. Even before she was fat on the outside, she was fat on the inside. Let’s remember – her show is predicated on teaching the teeming masses of Averagus Americanus that yes, it’s perfectly possible (and excusable) to make a delicious meal in ten minutes with just a quick stop at Target on the way home. And yes, it’s ok if – once in a great great while – your husband comes home and finds you crying into a decimated half-gallon of Oreo ice cream. You’ll work it off doing the dishes – we know – it’s okay!
Remember when she posed for that awful photo shoot in FHM Magazine? No? Let me offer a sad reminder:
A face – a pose – a diet – only a NASCAR fan could love. I don’t know about you, but quite a few of my friends commented to me at the time that they were wondering how long Rachel would be fitting into those dresses.
Cooking up vats of melted Velveeta in which to soak your deep-fried sausages, then eating them in front of the world as the lard drips down your face – doesn’t make you sexy. In fact, it kinda makes you revolting.
But fuck that, what about Girl Power?!? God Bless Rachel for not caring! Finally, after bubbling just beneath the surface these last few years, she has set her inner fat girl free. At last, Rachel has freed herself from the torment of keeping that sweet, chubby girl all bottled up inside. Yes – YES, Sweet Syrupy Lord of Coherence, that girl is as free as a bird:
Relief is here – and it is as sweet and crisp and liberating as that bag of Peppermint Patties you just threw up into the toilet. At last, she can enjoy those buckets of chocolate-tempura-twinkies and chicken-fried-steak, free of the worry that it’ll fuck up her body. Her inner conductor has brought harmony – the band and chorus are finally singing the same tune.
And I’m sorry – but are those Sweet Potato Silver Dollar Pancakes under your dress or are they nipples?
I wonder how sweaty the marketing team is over at Dunkin’ Donuts – who, we’re told, just signed her greasy face to an ad campaign shilling donuts as a “healthy addition to a balanced diet.” (Oops! Call legal!)
This week the Enquirer said her “weight exploded and her marriage is crumbling” – as if the two could be, somehow, related? Neh, coincidence, I’m sure. Guys love fat chicks! Just ask any fat chick!
Could Giada De Laurentiis be next?
i think she plays football.. and wins. must be the spaghetti and meatballs.
I’d still bust a nut on her face.
Those are some shiny nips!
Awww, I think she looks great! What she has to realize, though, is when you have little bitty ta-ta’s and you put on a few lbs, you have to perpetrate like you put it on everywhere and stick a lil’ padding in ur bra. It’s all about proportion, honey!
I always found her annoying. Now that she is a fat ass, maybe people will stop watching her show? Nope, Tyra is still on the air. That was just wishful thinking.
whoa! after I read and scrolled to the pics…..thats all I could think. I never found her appealing or likable either. In fact a friend of mine met her in NY when her co. threw a party for her after I guess she put out a book, and my friend told me the same sort of impression, she showed up late, no class or manners, people were waiting to eat dinner and she didnt care, I think at one point, she burped at the table. Klasssayyyy with a K. Maybe she was just mad because she was on restrictions as to how many plates of cheesefries she was allowed to eat, and now she’s free to do anything, so lets hope she’ll ease up on the Staten Island guido smartass attitude and talk, and just be a jolly round lady. I doubt Giada will be next. She’s super thin, and she lives in LA, with a much sweeter persona. Def, doesnt seem as insecure as RR.
PLEASE let that bobble-headed giada gain a few. scratch that, a ton.
My sister is friends with Giada, and Giada eats very careful and takes real good care of herself. She has class, style, lives in LA and runs every day. She will never let herself end up like this slob.
yep, giada is maybe 110 lbs MAX
Interesting – seems when your on top of the world everyone wants to knock you down and when your down every one wants to step on you. I think you all can find use your time more wisely. Like improving yourself rather than trying to fix someone who is not broken.
I always wished she was thinner and I find her voice annoying, but I like watching her cook.
1. I know this is a late post, but oh well.
2. I still love Rachel. I think she’s beautiful inside and out. I think she has a cool personality and she’s living her life the way she wants which even makes her more attractive. Just a plain simply beautiful and very talented woman.
3. Yes, Giada is also beautiful. Can’t get enough of her.
she looks pretty good considering she eats fatty foods all the time, and she has a personal trainer
Come on, give her a break. I dont post blogs about you being a counterproductive assfuck. oh wait yea I do. check it out.
This post comes WAY LATE in regard to the heavier pictures of Rachel posted here, but if anyone is really dumb enough to believe that those are nipples you are seeing through her dress, I have acres of ocean front property in Pennsylvania to see you. Those are not nipples at all, houndoggies, those are nipple covers, a little invention created to free today’s women from having to wear bras. They are nothing more than adhesive patches placed over the nipples to prevent them from protruding through the material and being to any human with a pulse. And who cares, she put on a few pounds… I don’t see anyone bitching on here about Oprah… her weight struggle is like riding a roller coaster… it’s all over the place. Buy a clue, Americans are overweight, proven stated fact. We are to blame for our own self image. Keep taking your ass to McD’s or BK and ordeing the worst food on the menu and follow it up with a diet Coke… can we say IDIOT? Learn about that diet soda BS. It only lacks sugar, it still contains a chemical that prevents weight loss. So, for all you fat asses who criticize Rachel… BUY A MIRROR!
make that ocean front property in Pennsylvania to SELL you…
Are you kidding me? I bet this girl sucks like a hoover and has ass for days. I’d do her every which way, twice over! and I’m sure she’d lick up every last drop! Greedy bitch!